That Lovin' Feeling
By Lesley Lane
It's that time of year--February. Valentine's Day is looming. How do you feel about this? Ecstatic because you are celebrating with a sweetheart? Annoyed because you don't have a sweetheart? Indifferent; you don't buy into "Hallmark" holidays anyway whether you have a sweetheart or not.
Regardless love is in the air. As humans we all desire to give and receive love. As we mature we certainly learn that there are many types of love and many ways to show love. One of the best books I have ever read and highly recommend is The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.
The biggest takeaway I got was the definition of romantic love versus true love. In my own words, the way I describe the two would be "ooshy-gooshy" feelings versus true admiration and respect. Our society as a whole is SO caught up in the former...that lovin' feeling. Don't get me wrong chemistry is important and there are those fireworks that go off that are magical and very exciting. However, relationships based on these ooshey-gooshey feelings often don't last more than a couple years.
Try considering how you feel about your mate or potential mate as a person. Aside from the basics of do you have similar interests etc. do you respect this person? Ask yourself, do you find him or her truly amazing? Do you have a similar value system? Can you get behind what he or she believes in and how they interact with the world at large? If you can understand that true love is not just about emotions and the roller coaster of feelings or lust which is experienced I do believe you will be led to a much more fulfilling partnership.
If you are in constant pursuit of the feeling, I am here to tell you that you may not have what it takes to go the distance in a truly long term, committed partnership. Try approaching love from a new context. I'll warn you that it may take a little longer or kissing more frogs in order to find a partner who can hold this same view of love, but it will be well worth it in the end. After all, settling is not fabulous.
The Five Love Languages is also wonderful at delving into what speaks love to you and your mate. Guaranteed to help you look at how you "speak" love differently. Love is fabulous, why not understand it more so you can get the most out of it and also give in the most meaningful and effective way to your partner.